I haven't posted anything for more than a month. My dad passed away unexpectedly and it rocked my world. It is impossible to explain. For those of you with kids all I can relate the passing of a parent is to say: witnessing the birth of your children is the highest of the highs, viewing your parent in the ER after he has passed is the lowest of the lows.
This post is tangential from the objective of the site but it's important to me to share the eulogy I gave at his memorial service.
On April 14, 1940, Lee Irving Pickering was born into this world a child with an innate mission dedicated to living a full life.
Part chronological, part tribute, part shared memories, I need to take this time to share with you my feelings about the greatest person I have ever known, my dad.
My dad was a giant of a man, not only in stature but also in deeds.
One of his most endearing attributes was the humble and unselfish nature of his being. For us, his deeds went largely unspoken. He dedicated his life to helping people and accomplished so much that it is hard to conceive that one person did all that he did. I’m ashamed to admit that only now am I starting to learn the full extent of the impact his actions had on all of us attending here today. I’m positive that was his plan: because for my mother, my brother, my sister, our wife’s, husband’s, grandchildren, and me, my dad was always focused on us.
When I set out to write this, the word Dedicated, flashed in my mind. The word and the concept completely captured my dad’s approach to life.
As a dedicated husband, my dad set the standard.
Since their marriage in 1964 my parents have always been by each other’s side. He was always one to bring home flowers or grow a garden full: especially roses. He never said this to me, but as a busy husband and father, I know that a small gesture such as a flower is a huge message of love and thanks for being a supportive partner.
He and I would talk about the proverbial “work/life” balance occasionally and this message always came through the loudest, family first: especially the love and support of your wife.
This may come as a shock to some but during my teenage years, I was a handful. One evening I was upset with my mom and I let her have it in front of my dad. I was totally out of line but I was too young and stupid to know any better at the time. Anyway, after my outburst, in the blink of an eye, he was in my face and made it perfectly clear that he brought me into this world and just as quickly could take me out of this world if I ever disrespected my mom in that way again. Believe me when I say this…..nothing that night was more frightening than a 6’7” man staring straight into your eyes standing up for the woman he loved.
He cherished my mother.
As a dedicated father, my dad was my idol.
My dad was head of the household, although he knew; my mother actually ran the asylum. If you ever visited our home it definitely was considered “user friendly.” He made sure we always had what we needed and much more.
Today most parents attempt to buy their relationship with their children: not my dad, he built a relationship with us by participating in our lives.
He attended everything we were involved in: magic shows, lemonade stands, digging holes in the backyard to make swimming pools in the mud, band, sports, Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, and much more. During his retirement he was never home as his love to participate with his grandchildren kept him constantly busy driving from California to Smithville to Lee’s Summit.
Two personal attributes I want to reflect on a little deeper today was his sense of humor and his thirst to learn.
His ability to be funny in professional settings to down right silly with his grandchildren was magical. The odds of my dad making a funny face with one of the grandchildren where very high and usually we were lucky enough to get a picture. He never got upset when he would fall asleep and I would cover his face with a magic marker.
One of my fondest memories when I was a kid was at the dinner table one night. With my brother and sister I call it, “the chainsaw and the meat.” One night, my mom prepares a brisket; unfortunately the meat had been in the oven a little too long probably because my dad was working late. As we started to eat, it became apparent that the common dinner knife was no match for the meat. Instead of getting a steak knife my father took his knife pretended to pull the cord and made chainsaw noises as he proceeded to cut his meat. We all laughed till it hurt.
When it came to learning, my dad examined everything with a level of curiosity usually seen in a child. Everything was fascinating to him. He had a thirst for learning that could not be quenched. The depth of any subject that he could go on and on about was amazing and if he didn’t know about it you can bet Barnes & Noble would be getting a visit from my dad.
Prior to the Internet, my dad’s office in our old house was a warehouse of information in the form of magazines, books, tapes and anything else that could hold information. By the time my parents moved out of the house on Jarboe, his office was literally as dense and complex as an English labyrinth. We had to pull a construction sized dumpster up to the window directly under his office just to empty the room. It pained him to see all that information go into the trash as he always worried that one day he would need to reference something in one of the books or magazines.
He purchased computers and created a local area network in our house……in 1982!!!!
He always listened with a great eagerness to learn. He was fascinated with his children and grandchildren’s experiences and how different they were than when he was growing up.
As a dedicated physician, in my eyes, my dad had no equal.
He entered the University of Missouri, School of Medicine, and completed the degree of M.D. in 1967. He interned (children’s and adult medicine) and completed a residency in internal medicine by 1971 at Menorah Medical Center, Children’s Mercy Hospital, and the University of Kansas Hospital. During his residency, he was the cofounder/physician of the Westport Free Health Clinic, now the Kansas City Free Health Clinic, and later served on its Founder’s Committee. Drafted during Vietnam, he entered military service in 1971, and served three years in Germany as a Major, US Medical Corp. He joined Midwest Medical Clinics and later the Jacomo Primary Care. He remained in Independence as a practicing physician for 27 years serving on the staffs of Independence Regional Health Center, and St. Mary’s/Blue Springs Hospital. He served on the Board of Trustees of Independence Regional Hospital for eleven years, was President of the Medical Staff, and Chairman of the Credentials Committee and the Medical Informatics Committee for many years, and was instrumental in authoring their medical staff credentialing system. He helped implement into practice one of the first computerized medical offices in Missouri in 1994, and retired from practice in September of 2001.
As a dedicated friend, my dad was there, always ready to listen or lend a helping hand.
Over the past few days the flood of sympathy and fond recollections you shared with us about my dad has been overwhelming.
Words like: friend, wonderful man, my second dad, great listener, mentor, compassionate and on and on and on.
My Dad first…he was also a tremendous friend. He was always willing to listen in a non-judgmental way and always pass on advice that was worthy of consideration or action.
For his birthday I had this indescribable urge to purchase my dad a Kindle (a sophisticated electronic book created by Amazon). The idea of books, magazines and newspapers all delivered through wireless Internet access anywhere directly to a machine that could instantaneously update information was the ultimate fantasy to him. During the same week, he had been helping me sort through my frustrations, trials and tribulations at work around helping people understand very complex business issues.
I’d like to read the very last email he sent me: Geoff, thank you again for your Birthday thoughtfulness. Gee, I never thought I would have a Kindle. I was pleased to see you had one but what a nice birthday to see I am getting one too! My birthday this year was to pass on without much celebration on my part – Wrong. This is a classy piece of equipment and the best adult birthday gift I know of.
About work, the hard thing to remember when you are a change agent is that the same pattern exists each time you promote change. It makes you intolerant to different people who follow the previous path that others took, and results in your own impatience. The great payoff is when you get the ah-has from folks when they "get it". That gets about as good as your wife's apple pie. I love you. Dad
As a dedicated human being, he loved to get involved and make a difference. A friend of his once said, “Heaven sent…a great human being and doctor. He was just the right person at the right time. Not afraid to get his hands wet.”
You know time is the only thing in this world that is not a commodity to any of us, and time was the one thing my dad was willing to give away freely without asking for anything in return.
Whether it was the Westport Free Clinic, which at the time was a decision considered to be a tremendous risk to his professional career. The warnings went unheeded, he got involved, not afraid to get his hands wet. Today, the clinic he and a courageous few believed in is now one of the largest free health care clinics in the country. Against serious pressure he made a decision based solely on what was right not on what other people thought about himself.
He dedicated hours helping children learn mathematics at Red Bridge, Indian Creek and other elementary schools around Kansas City.
Most people plan a retirement to relax after a stressful career. Not my Dad, he volunteered as a Court Appointed Special Advocate where he represented families, specifically children that could not represent themselves. The cases he was assigned would have made an ordinary man crumple under from human cruelty and the suffering. I recall several of the cases and candidly they were so severe and distasteful I could not even fathom the level of commitment and passion it took for him to keep showing up and doing his job. For the people he represented, my dad, was the only link to safety and the possibility of a normal life.
Finally, I must mention the Native Sons and Daughters of Kansas City and my dad’s steadfast commitment to their efforts. The efforts of Native Sons to preserve the history of Kansas City were very important to him.
Though I am a member I’ve yet to attend a function or meeting due to my weekly work commutes to St. Louis and my desire to be with my wife and kids on the weekends when I’m home. I felt guilty that I haven’t attended anything and would frequently share my feelings with my dad. As eager as he was for me to attend, not once, did he pressure me into anything other than keeping my focus on the care of my wife and kids.
We did come to an unspoken compromise: during my commutes I would call him and we would discuss strategies on building, maintaining and promoting the Native Sons Website. He strongly believed that the Website is a platform that will help carrier an organization so vital to the historical preservation of Kansas City into the future.
As a dedicated man of honesty he was totally grounded.
My dad knew that nothing is certain in a man’s life except his own mortality. That may sound like a morose or harsh view of life. For me, I feel that it is quite the opposite, because if you acknowledge that single concept as truth and you don’t take advantage of the day and live your life to the fullest then you’re a fool because there may not be a tomorrow.
For my dad, he loved life and being an active participant in it. There were times when he was as blunt as a hammer with us – especially about medical issues or concerns – to him medical honesty was reality, truth and required. I’m quite certain I’m a certified hypochondriac because of his thoroughness in describing any malady I had and what could potentially be the spectrum of causes.
When I was young, I didn’t get his direct truthfulness. It made no sense and sometimes just flat out scared me. As a parent, I get what he was doing. The truth is, sometimes the simple direct truth is the greatest gift you can give your child.
That’s it… that’s how my dad lived his life. Dedicated to his wife, his children, his grandchildren, his profession, his fellow man and his community.
Knowing him, he’d be too humble to say it, so I will on his behalf: celebrate your life everyday, live a full, loving and joyful life because one day it will end and your deeds and actions will be your legacy in this world and your ticket to everlasting eternity in heaven with Jesus Christ.
On April 27, 2009 Dr. Lee Irving Pickering departed from this world a man who had lived life to the fullest: his service here on Earth complete.
Please keep my dad and our family in your prayers and thank you from the bottom of our heart for your generosity and support over the past week.
God bless you all for coming and participating with my dad one last time.
